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A bakra in kilobytes! ~ Daily Times
This piece, dear reader, is before you on December 31st, the last day of 2006. Some of my fellow columnists have already walked you through the year. I could trot you through it also, or, if you are a speed junkie, we could gallop through it but that’s pointless. One year is as good or bad as another, pious and nice wishes aside, and my own experience is that every year sucks. But more importantly, you really do not need my two-penny wisdom to know how it unfolded or on what note it might be closing. You are far too intelligent for that — even the General-President now knows that.
As for making projections into 2007, once I can figure out my own life, I might be able to tell you some more about how the new year is going to pan out for you, me, the nation and the ummah. Since there’s a cat’s chance in hell of the first happening, there’s even slimmer chance of the second. So, you are spared on that count also.
The only thing I can tell you is that it’s a bad idea to have Eid the very next day after New Year’s Eve. As a fretting, cavilling friend told me the other day, it’s technically a bit difficult to reconcile a hangover with the freshness required for early-morning prayers. I commiserated with him and said that it’s never good to be in a nutcracker situation. He thought I was being sadistic and I had to feign tears to make him understand that I appreciated his plight perfectly. Life is about making difficult choices and this one being angst-ridden, my heart goes out to the partygoers.
The beards should rest easy, however, and let Eid be the party-pooper this year. Those who would still manage to party, as some surely would, are the diehards and must be commended for having the ability to make clear choices. From among such, the doubtful mortals find their leaders.
Meanwhile, Eid reminds me of my childhood when I would go to theBakra Mandi with my maternal grandfather to size up and buy a nicebakra. There would be a lot of ba-ba-ing, jostling, and of course, the necessary haggling. The world hadn’t been invaded yet by the homo environmentalus and there were no Isa Daudpotas to give us the stats on how our desire to dig into a good boti was screwing the globe’s vegetation. The result was pleasing, life was easygoing, we laughed a lot, knew nothing about the ozone layer, democracy, Dr Shahid Masud’s eschatological concerns, scatology and all the rest that makes life so difficult in these post-modern days.
Baseline: we liked to eat meat — not just once a year, but year-round; and not just meat with meat but meat with all the veggies also.
Now we have another development, one that even Thomas Friedman did not think of — at least I have never come across it in any of his many writings. I refer to the use of the Internet to sell bakras and other sacrificial animals. Today, if you want to avoid the hassle of Bakra Mandi,log on to e-bakra.com or qurbanionline.com and you have your chosen animal. Bingo!
If the trend catches up, like global bonds, we may even be able to move a bakra or two from one part of the world to another. This should make Friedman’s chess-playing grandmother very happy. The only problem is that while one can play chess with the Russians on-line which is what granny was doing, says Friedman, I guess there’s not much one can do with the bakras unless we can invent an argot forbakra lovers who can move bakras across the world through the Internet and converse in bakra-jargon.
For the qasai of course you may still have to use the traditional method of going looking for one or waiting for the roving groups to flay you as well as the animal. But sulk not, meat-loving reader, qasaionline.com is just a web-page away from e-bakra.com and by the next meat-infested Eid, you may even be able to get and book a qasai on the Internet.
As for me, the smells and noises of the Bakra Mandi are an essential part of the entire ritual. There’s some disconnect between the desire to slaughter and flay an animal and to begin the process in front of a computer. It is un-chivalrous in the same way as modern warfare. Hegel’s first man would not have liked to simply press the button and be done with the adversary.
So, if e-bakra.com it is going to be, then as my colleague Sarah said, let the qurbani also be virtual. That would fulfil the ritual and also save thebakra. It’s a thought, but how would we tuck into a goat or two? Virtual is not for me, whether bakra or … perhaps I should leave this unsaid.
Meanwhile, here’s a very happy new year to everyone who has put up with me in the year that is about to set.
Ejaz Haider is News Editor of The Friday Times and Op-Ed Editor of Daily Times. He can be reached at [email protected]
This piece, dear reader, is before you on December 31st, the last day of 2006. Some of my fellow columnists have already walked you through the year. I could trot you through it also, or, if you are a speed junkie, we could gallop through it but that’s pointless. One year is as good or bad as another, pious and nice wishes aside, and my own experience is that every year sucks. But more importantly, you really do not need my two-penny wisdom to know how it unfolded or on what note it might be closing. You are far too intelligent for that — even the General-President now knows that.
As for making projections into 2007, once I can figure out my own life, I might be able to tell you some more about how the new year is going to pan out for you, me, the nation and the ummah. Since there’s a cat’s chance in hell of the first happening, there’s even slimmer chance of the second. So, you are spared on that count also.
The only thing I can tell you is that it’s a bad idea to have Eid the very next day after New Year’s Eve. As a fretting, cavilling friend told me the other day, it’s technically a bit difficult to reconcile a hangover with the freshness required for early-morning prayers. I commiserated with him and said that it’s never good to be in a nutcracker situation. He thought I was being sadistic and I had to feign tears to make him understand that I appreciated his plight perfectly. Life is about making difficult choices and this one being angst-ridden, my heart goes out to the partygoers.
The beards should rest easy, however, and let Eid be the party-pooper this year. Those who would still manage to party, as some surely would, are the diehards and must be commended for having the ability to make clear choices. From among such, the doubtful mortals find their leaders.
Meanwhile, Eid reminds me of my childhood when I would go to theBakra Mandi with my maternal grandfather to size up and buy a nicebakra. There would be a lot of ba-ba-ing, jostling, and of course, the necessary haggling. The world hadn’t been invaded yet by the homo environmentalus and there were no Isa Daudpotas to give us the stats on how our desire to dig into a good boti was screwing the globe’s vegetation. The result was pleasing, life was easygoing, we laughed a lot, knew nothing about the ozone layer, democracy, Dr Shahid Masud’s eschatological concerns, scatology and all the rest that makes life so difficult in these post-modern days.
Baseline: we liked to eat meat — not just once a year, but year-round; and not just meat with meat but meat with all the veggies also.
Now we have another development, one that even Thomas Friedman did not think of — at least I have never come across it in any of his many writings. I refer to the use of the Internet to sell bakras and other sacrificial animals. Today, if you want to avoid the hassle of Bakra Mandi,log on to e-bakra.com or qurbanionline.com and you have your chosen animal. Bingo!
If the trend catches up, like global bonds, we may even be able to move a bakra or two from one part of the world to another. This should make Friedman’s chess-playing grandmother very happy. The only problem is that while one can play chess with the Russians on-line which is what granny was doing, says Friedman, I guess there’s not much one can do with the bakras unless we can invent an argot forbakra lovers who can move bakras across the world through the Internet and converse in bakra-jargon.
For the qasai of course you may still have to use the traditional method of going looking for one or waiting for the roving groups to flay you as well as the animal. But sulk not, meat-loving reader, qasaionline.com is just a web-page away from e-bakra.com and by the next meat-infested Eid, you may even be able to get and book a qasai on the Internet.
As for me, the smells and noises of the Bakra Mandi are an essential part of the entire ritual. There’s some disconnect between the desire to slaughter and flay an animal and to begin the process in front of a computer. It is un-chivalrous in the same way as modern warfare. Hegel’s first man would not have liked to simply press the button and be done with the adversary.
So, if e-bakra.com it is going to be, then as my colleague Sarah said, let the qurbani also be virtual. That would fulfil the ritual and also save thebakra. It’s a thought, but how would we tuck into a goat or two? Virtual is not for me, whether bakra or … perhaps I should leave this unsaid.
Meanwhile, here’s a very happy new year to everyone who has put up with me in the year that is about to set.
Ejaz Haider is News Editor of The Friday Times and Op-Ed Editor of Daily Times. He can be reached at [email protected]
